fat women R desirable but in secrecy & shame

I went to the Orgasmic Meditation Extravaganza.  I did not participate in many of the many events because I was pretty sick that weekend. I had paid so I tried to go but I didn't last long any of the times I showed up.

One day, I found the quietest, least occupied corner in the whole, very noisy building* to eat my raw salad. All the food on sale at the event had gluten, or dairy, or sugar or combos thereof. I always bring my own food nowadays.

Now I have had many men offer to OM me, including some very attractive ones. But I know there are many men who would never in a million years offer to OM me. OMing is not having sex but I think many, if not most folks attracted to the OM movement are really trying to date in a hipper, more contemporary pattern. It's dating. So there are males, males I consider predatory, who will only OM and date that small percentage of very attractive women that most men want.


So I was sitting in an alcove under a stairwell eating my salad, trying to decide if I had the energy to stay for the afternoon.

At this event, there were rooms set up for OMing and I had a few men offer to OM me. I always get some OM offers when around OMers.

I think I can pick off those men who are only interested in the most attractive of all women. Such a woman was sitting hearby me. She was very beautiful, very slim, fashionably but hipster-ly dressed with cascading blonde hair, perfect make up. She was close to fashion model or movie star hot.  I don't know why but I took one look at her and knew she OM's with her sexual partner only.

One guy, also attractive but not as hot at the gal I am writing about, came up to her and asked if she would like him to OM her. she politely turned him down, telling him she had a partner and she only OM's with him.

If that guy was looking for the experience of OMing, I would have done just fine. A clitoris is a clitoris. But he was looking for a hot woman to date after he OM's her.  He didn't even look at me.

There are a lot of men that don't see fat women. I mean they really don't see them. I see them. I see them going blank when I enter their field of vision. The man who asked the gorgeous woman across from me is such a man. I am certain he did not even see me. He does not registered fat women.

Although having said all this, I am getting close to being not-fat. My body mass index is no longer in the obese range and is approaching healthy range.  I notice more men paying attention to me, asking me out, attracted to me. I almost hate men for not loving me fat but willing to condescend to me as I slim down. Not quite, but almost.

There were several men in the building who had offered to OM me at the OM Extravaganza so I didn't need that guy who would only approach the top hotties. Fuck him and fuck all men who erase fat women. And fuck men who do not invite fat women to meet their friends and family.]

Just imagine going to a New Year's Party with a non-hottie fattie. I'm not ugly. I'm just not thin.  I notice being shut out of someone's life, like when they only see me at coffeeshops but never ask me to do anything with them, especially, horrifically, to do something where, horror of horrors, other people they know might see they have a fat escort. Not even a girlfriend. Some males who make clear their complete sexual disinterest in my fat body will still not be seen socailizing with me as a pal.  It might reflect negatively on their image in the world. Fuck them.