Monday, June 09, 2014

public breastfeeding solution

ecosophy: returning to indigenous reverence for sacred?

"The ancient Greeks were like many indigenous cultures have been, and like some still are, in their recognition of levels—individual, family/household, society, cosmos—as repeating the same patterns and principles as embedded living systems at different scales. As the perennial philosophy has it, ‘As above, so below’—now even becoming part of western science via the fractals and holograms increasingly used by physicists and biologists in describing nature.

Ecosophy can not only unite our separate categories of economics, ecology, finance, politics and governance, but can also unite science and spirituality, and bring human values into the entire human enterprise. In its core focus on wisdom, it must especially draw upon the feminine concerns with well-being, with caring and sharing.."

— Elisabet Sahtouris, evolution biologist and futurist

From Ecosophy: Nature’s Guide to a Better World in Kosmos Journal
— with Meena Thakor.

if you think sex is nothing, you gave up too soon

If you think sex is nothing*, think about this: 

If every one experienced real tantric sex just once (when you transcend space and time and your whole being is profoundly healed and refreshed from deep immersion in the Source of Life) all porn, sex toys, fixation on appearances, and misguided obsessions would be obsolete.
A friend said this.

For me, what is described as tantric sex is transcendent sex, the only kind of sex that interests me. It is when two beings meet and try to connect with one another's radiant essence.  Anything less than this kind of sex should have another name. 

I especially like the above quote because I believe transcendent sex is also healing sex. I believe sex has become degraded in this culture, trivialized. Many think sex is nothing but physical pleasure.  It is more than physical pleasure. It is sacred, should only be undertaken with people one has deep, reverent love for and with people one wishes to touch their radiance, their souls.

I have read that the proliferation of porn on the internet is damaging people's ability to have transcendant, sex. Or, maybe, just good sex.  I have never looked at porn on the internet, not once, not even a google. Geez, if I googled porn, I bet I'd get ads for porn as I surf other topics!

I heard a speaker at the OM (orgasmic meditation) extravaganza in Oakland talk about transcendent sex. She was hawking her book on transcendent sex. Listening to her was the first time I heard my kind of sex described, first time I learned that what I have experienced, and want in my sex life, happens to others.  That's what I want.   Transcendant sex. It's humans loving one in another at deep levels, an effort to touch the other's being. It is not ultimately possible to touch another being's being but it can be very pleasurable trying, to try to achieve energetic union.

Any other kind of sex amounts to animals rutting.  I've had that kind of sex. That kind of sex is nothing.

Transcendent sex can be scary because one reveals one's self and sees the other's self. That's scary. With love and trust, however, it is awesome.

If someone says 'sex is nothing', that someone is a broken being, damaged in his or her sexuality. And they likely are having sex with the wrong people for the wrong reasons. Rutting like animals is not one of the reasons for humans to have sex.

*Someone told me, when I expressed an interest in resuming having a sex life after a period of celibacy, that sex is nothing. This person proceeded to go into sad, elaborate detail about how nothing sex was to hum and how I should not desire sex because it is 'nothing'. "Once you have it, it's nothing. It doesn't mean a thing." Maybe it's nothing if one has mechanistic, obligatory animal rutting sex. My kind of sex is not nothing. It's transcendance. Sacred. Reverence for the sacred in one another.

give up gluten: here some reasons why


this world is gobmsmacking glorious

I just finished my tiny amount of tayberries. Tayberries are about twice the size of most raspberries, longer, not fatter.  They definitely have a distinct taste. I'd definitely eat all the tayberries, organic ones, I could get my hands on. I would also eat as many raspberries, blueberries and strawberries I can afford.

I have decided that each week at my farmers market I am going to buy one thing I have never eaten before.

I will start with beets. I have had a bite or two of beets. I do not like pickled beets and that's the only kind I ever have had.

I read recently that beets have many good things in them for diabetics. They aren't bad carb, like sugar. They are good carbs.

My market had red beets, yellow beets and pink ones last week. I will buy one of each color.

I want to savor as much of the abundant bounty of our commons, Mother Earth, as I can. Nature provides everything needed.

Although, to the best of my knowledge, nature does not provide any healing foods for the Type I diabetic, no food will provide the insulin my body no longer makes.

Before the creation of artificial insulin, the average life span for Type I diabetics after diagnosis was one year.

I try to eat everything I learn about that helps my pancreas stimulate some insulin. Stevia does. Chard does.

happiness can be . .

I don't like doing laps after the sun goes down. I have never gone swimming from 4:30 to 9 (not the whole time, duh!). In bleak mid-winter, I would not like doing laps after nightfall.

Yowsa. I went last Wednesday because my writer's group keeps me from swimming near noon. So I just wasn't swimming on Wednesdays, walking home from N. Berkeley to compensate. 

I like the walk and will continue it.

But, ta da!, the sun shines brightly at 4:30 p.m. and the pool is nearly empty, which I like.  I will probably swim at 4:30 more than just my writer's group day.   One group. I belong to another.

Yippee skippee. 4:30 swims in an almost empty pool, the sun still shining is happiness. Joy.

sun kissed from swimming

Lap swimming outdoors in any weather conditions is bliss. I like cold, rainy, even foggy days. I love how a mist will rise off the water, which is heated so it is slightly warmer than the air. I also love hot sunny days like today when the jump into the water feels freezing. Within a few strokes, the water is perfect and the sun is magic.

My whole body feels kissed by the sun. I love this feeling. Hours after I get out of the pool, I feel the sun's kiss on my skin: arms, legs, face. I think even my hair feels sun kissed.


Sunday, June 08, 2014

feeling chagrin

Now that I am eating only healthy, organic, unprocessed (unless you count any food prep work I personally do), losing weight steadily, exercise daily, carefully manage my diabetes and grow increasingly committed to eating healthy foods for the rest of my life, I feel much chagrin. Why did I wait so long to love myself? 

One of my doctors asked me, this past week, what was going on with me when I got to my all time high weight and just stayed there for many years, I told her my truth. I was not aware that I was morbidly obese. I knew how much I weighed. I knew what size clothes I had to buy.  I still have two pairs of old sweatpants from my all time high weight. I keep them around because they have pockets to put quarters when I do the laundry, but also because I love wearing those super baggy pants, love being reminded of my weight loss.

I gave away all my high weight clothes long ago, like 8 years ago when I lost the first wave of my weight loss. I believed that hanging onto my old 'fat' clothes would send a message, perhaps unconsciously to my self indicating I knew I was going to regain the weight so I should keep those old fat clothes. As soon as I thought that, I got rid of the ASAP.

I also bought some clothing that was too small for me, incentive to lose.

And, somehow, I managed to hang onto a few pieces of clothing from long, long ago before I became morbidly obese.  I became morbidly obese in my early thirties.  I weighed 146 pounds after I gave birth to my daughter in June 1982. 146 for a 5'6" woman isn't skinny but I am also very full bosomed and I had just had a baby.

Alternatives to big pharma drugs

There is almost always an alternative in nature for the things chemical drugs supposedly provide.

Why don't more doctors get active in alternative, natural healing?

toasted berries on the flour-less pancakes?

Take some berries, place on parchment paper on a baking sheet, bake at 350 for about 20 minutes.  You can add a touch of honey but blueberries don't need it. I like the tang of a sour strawberry. If you roast strawberries, which I did this morning for my banana-egg pancakes, you can put them hot on the pancakes. Warm roasted berries on the flour-less pancakes or cold:  delicious, gluten-free, sugar-free and dairy free.

I usually roast more berries than I can eat in one sitting so I store them and eat cold roasted berries. I think sugar-free roasted berries are healthy 'jam'.

Saturday, June 07, 2014

my pendulum says . . .

I have a pendulum I treasure because it was gifted to me by an elder in the Spirited Work community, the founder of Spirited Work.  Spirited Work was an eight year experiment in Open Space Technology community. We met for four-day weekends, four times a year, in cycle with the seasons and using Angeles Arrien's book The Four-Fold Way for the themes of our gathering. We met using Harrison Owen's Open Space Techology during our retreats but the whole community connected using Open Space throughout the year.  It was a nadir in community life for me and I miss it.

Of course I have great reverence and respect for its visionary creator. So of course I treasure the pendulum she gave me.

My pendulum is not giving me answers I want.  I've got the gimmees again.  This time I don't want stuff. It is quality of relationships and community that I want. Gimmee gimmee.  Want want. I know that wanting unleashes negativity in me, prodding me to focus on what I don't have instead of what I do.

My pendulum indicates I will not find the love I long for. Darn. Change the questions but what questions? Trust?  Meditate?

Wah. Gimmee gimmee.

Gosh, I guess I qualify as an elder these days. The woman who gave me my pendulum is in her eighties, though. A wise crone.  Although I also qualify as a crone, albiet not a wise one. I have one whisker on my chin, like any aging crone/witch should.

tell your stories

You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.
- Anne Lamott

tayberries, kale, strawberries, tomatoes, rainier cherries

plus peaches, maitreya mushrooms, eggs from pastured chickens, avocados, sorrel, 3 small peaches, organic local asparagus and a piece of polenta w/kale from the organic baker at my farmers market

I remembered, half way home, and it's only about 3 blocks altogether, that I wanted chives. I didn't go back. I felt lazy in the moment of decision but I have a date later, so I was marketing as early as possible.

I was going to do one quart of garlic and chive fermented asparagus and one with ginger. In the instant I decided not to turn back, I decided I'll settle for two quarts of garlic-flavored fermented asparagus.

How did I miss how easy it is to ferment, or pickle, vegies?

I asked what tayberries are. The vendor said they were a hybrid from raspberries and ollallaberries.  Joking I said "So they are genetically modified?!" as I handed him my five bucks for the tiny basket of tayberries. He could see I was kidding around. He good naturedly said "Well, they are hybrids, but hybrids aren't genetically modified. Hybridization happens naturally in nature and crossing plants is not the same as genetically modifying them."

My tayberries might be the largest berries I have seen other than strawberries.  I bought the tayberries as much for the name as for their purplish pink plumpness.

And the foods I bought were just a few of the many other fruit and veggies on sale. What a glorious world. Think about it. I could also have bought organic blueberries, apples, spring greens, all kinds of lettuce, chard, potatoes, beets, fennel, summer squashes of many kinds.  I was tempted to buy some zucchini but I am in a food rut.

In my food rut, I eat the same few things. My variety comes from the amazing bounty of summer fruit.

more on apple cider vinegar's health benefits


apple cidar vinegar: miracle health food


I eat (drink) some apple cidar vinegar daily.

Typically, I add a tablespoon or two apple cider vinegar with water, dash of cayenne, dash of stevia, and some lemon. I drop slices of lemon in my water bottle.  I have come to love this drink.  I only drink water, my custom spice blends of chai with coconut milk and this apple cider vinegar drink.

I dropped coffee. I don't really like coffee without cream. I initially gave up coffee to lose all the cream I was drinking.  I never just used a 'splash' of cream.  I don't like the taste of plain coffee.  However, I have been reading that coffee has several benefits. So I might try coffee again. I could try it with cocomilk, eh?

We'll see about the coffee. In the meantime, I am loving my apple cider vinegar drink.

a no-brainer

If we live in a loving universe, it should be a no brainer to believe that nature has provided us with what we need to be healthy and happy, to have all needs met. Not all wants, but all needs.

It angers me that we have allowed Frankenstein corporations take over human culture in a drive for wealth and power.  Frankenstein corporations invest millions, even billions, in drug research. We, the people, through our governance systems, should be investing millions, and billions if billions are required in understanding how food can heal, how we can heal the rape and damage done to the earth.

Food is the way to health. I am sure of it. Food and an awareness of the goddess-course, or love, or spirit or whatever one chooses to call the supersensible.

Of course the Loving Cosmos has provided for all our needs on this planet. Let's get those needs met with reverence for the sacredness of nature, the way indigenous cultures always have.

I see Western culture very slowly catching up with indigenous cultures.  "New Age" beliefs are basically what indigenous cultures have known for millenia.

Friday, June 06, 2014

a good hug

"The average length of a hug between two people is 3 seconds, but researchers have discovered something fantastic. When a hug lasts 20 seconds, there is a therapeutic effect on the body and mind.

The reason is that a sincere hug produces a hormone called "oxytocin", also known as the love hormone. This substance has many benefits in our physical and mental health, helps us, among other things, to relax, to feel safe and calm our fears and anxiety.

This wonderful calming is offered free of charge every time we have a person in our arms, when we cradled a child, cherish a dog or cat, we're dancing with our partner, the closer we get to someone or just hold the shoulders of a friend."

I don't remember where I picked this up. I try to attribute any quote.

I recently got a great hug. The man wrapped himself around me and hugged me hard. It almost hurt. I almost felt my breath get squeezed out. It felt great, though, because he was showing me he cared, that he loves me.  I had just told him something, a story from my life that left me feeling raw, vulnerable, crazy, damaged. I cried. The more I cried, the harder he squeezed.  It was great.

flour-less pancakes

This recipe fits my anti-inflammatory nutrition goals. I am having this for brekkie.

I am supposed to eat about half protein and half fruit or veggie for breakfast. And I am suposed to eat protein as soon after I get up as possible.  I often have an egg and a banana. Mushing them and turning them into pancakes will be welcome variety.

Guess I''ll cook them in coconut oil. Olive oil doesn't really go with 'pancake', eh?

when will I be loved like this?

Thursday, June 05, 2014

it's raining men

Three men asked me to go out with them today. Asked today.  Each of these men are acquaintances I barely know for whom I feel no wish to take the acquaintance beyond friendship. So what did I say?  Nothing.  I did not acknowledge the invitations.  "Let's go to Jupiter's, have a drink and shoot the breeze."  I could be mistaken. That invitation might not have been a 'date', just two acquaintances going out. 

Jupiter's is a pizza place a block or so from where I live. It seems like a dingy bar to me. I don't drink. I don't eat gluten or dairy, central pizza ingredients.  I wanted to say "Jupiter's?  Ugh. No way."

Instead, I acted like I had not heard him.

The Jupiter guy has asked me to go out to eat with him several times, to go to movies with him more times than I can remember. I wonder if he stepped up to a place serving alcohol to see if booze would interest me.

I think he said 'let's shoot the breeze' to appear nonchalant but maybe he wasn't asking me on a date.

Another guy from one of my storytelling groups asked me to meet him for a drink, suggesting 'the bar scene' in Oakland.

I have almost never gone to bars.  Very briefly in college, I hung out with another coed who liked gin and tonics. I'd go along because she would plead with me to keep her company. I even said "Why don't you just buy gin and tonic and drink here? She did not flirt with anyone. She was not in that bar on the prowl. Maybe she was an alcoholic.

My ex liked to go to bars. When we first dated, I would go but gradually I stopped. After we were married and had moved to his hometown, he met an old friend of his at his friend's hangout bar. This friend was definitely an alcoholic and I thought my ex was.  Then again, I am such a teatotaler that I tend to judge most drinking as a sign of alcoholism. Anyway, my ex and I went to a bar and he ignored me to talk to his old friend. I had suggested he go on his own but he said that wouldn't look right to leave his wife home. The friend didn't bring his girlfriend.  So I sat at the end of a dark bar ordering one G&T after the next until I was hammered. Really drunk.

Gradually, I noticed a man old enough to be my father next to me. He bought me a couple drinks, but not to flirt.  When I told him I didn't really like gin, vodka, whiskey or any booze in particular he said he had good news for me. He said alcoholics all have their favorite booze. If you don't like any booze, I wouldn't be worried, he said, about being drunk now. I had expressed concern that since I was quite drunk, maybe I was an alkie. He actually asked me lots of questions, like a screening for alcoholism.

up is down and Mad Hatter tea parties.

I see steep rises in the polarization of opinion.  Not just with Republicans and Democrats, although the way that American prisoner of war is being villified in the press seems exceptionally low. And it's not just Repugs.

I see steep rises of opinion between people.

Increasingly, I hear people taking absurd, if not irrational, positions and doggedly sticking to their absurdities without hearing any reason.

Maybe it's me. Maybe everyone is making sense and I am deluded when I think I have a sensible take on anything.

It's like the whole world is having a Mad Hatter tea party.

¡Pronto llegará el dia de mi suerte!

¡Desde antes de mi muerte, seguro que mi suerte cambiará!


Wednesday, June 04, 2014

fat women R desirable but in secrecy & shame

I went to the Orgasmic Meditation Extravaganza.  I did not participate in many of the many events because I was pretty sick that weekend. I had paid so I tried to go but I didn't last long any of the times I showed up.

One day, I found the quietest, least occupied corner in the whole, very noisy building* to eat my raw salad. All the food on sale at the event had gluten, or dairy, or sugar or combos thereof. I always bring my own food nowadays.

Now I have had many men offer to OM me, including some very attractive ones. But I know there are many men who would never in a million years offer to OM me. OMing is not having sex but I think many, if not most folks attracted to the OM movement are really trying to date in a hipper, more contemporary pattern. It's dating. So there are males, males I consider predatory, who will only OM and date that small percentage of very attractive women that most men want.

So I was sitting in an alcove under a stairwell eating my salad, trying to decide if I had the energy to stay for the afternoon.

At this event, there were rooms set up for OMing and I had a few men offer to OM me. I always get some OM offers when around OMers.

I think I can pick off those men who are only interested in the most attractive of all women. Such a woman was sitting hearby me. She was very beautiful, very slim, fashionably but hipster-ly dressed with cascading blonde hair, perfect make up. She was close to fashion model or movie star hot.  I don't know why but I took one look at her and knew she OM's with her sexual partner only.

One guy, also attractive but not as hot at the gal I am writing about, came up to her and asked if she would like him to OM her. she politely turned him down, telling him she had a partner and she only OM's with him.

If that guy was looking for the experience of OMing, I would have done just fine. A clitoris is a clitoris. But he was looking for a hot woman to date after he OM's her.  He didn't even look at me.

There are a lot of men that don't see fat women. I mean they really don't see them. I see them. I see them going blank when I enter their field of vision. The man who asked the gorgeous woman across from me is such a man. I am certain he did not even see me. He does not registered fat women.

Although having said all this, I am getting close to being not-fat. My body mass index is no longer in the obese range and is approaching healthy range.  I notice more men paying attention to me, asking me out, attracted to me. I almost hate men for not loving me fat but willing to condescend to me as I slim down. Not quite, but almost.

There were several men in the building who had offered to OM me at the OM Extravaganza so I didn't need that guy who would only approach the top hotties. Fuck him and fuck all men who erase fat women. And fuck men who do not invite fat women to meet their friends and family.]

Just imagine going to a New Year's Party with a non-hottie fattie. I'm not ugly. I'm just not thin.  I notice being shut out of someone's life, like when they only see me at coffeeshops but never ask me to do anything with them, especially, horrifically, to do something where, horror of horrors, other people they know might see they have a fat escort. Not even a girlfriend. Some males who make clear their complete sexual disinterest in my fat body will still not be seen socailizing with me as a pal.  It might reflect negatively on their image in the world. Fuck them.