sometimes

far too often, I cry a lot. My long-time, long-since therapist Jane used to say she felt happy when her patients cried in session. She said she thought of their tears as toxic experiences leaving them, the patients releasing pain.

I have a lot of sadness and a bottomless well of tears left to cry.  It's not as if all my crying has an endpoint. Crying a lot, and easily, is part of who I am. And it's an aspect of myself that I very much love.  I don't want to be someone who doesn't cry.

I was someone who didn't cry for too long. I never cried in childhood, adolescent or early twenties.

Once I started crying, in my first therapy with my marriage counselor turned individual therapist, I cried every second of every session for a couple years. Then I began to not cry through the whole  session. I had been thinking therapy meant crying so when I stopped crying, I told my doctor, I was afraid I was no longer healing. He invited me to reconsider. He said he thought I was crying a bit less because I was healing. I liked that. I still do. But I am still a frequent cryer. No mileage for that.