starving one's self

When my daughter was still my daughter and in treamtne for aorexia for a few years (and she sure looked anorexic when I saw her briefly three years ago in Chicago!), she once remarked to me that being hungry, starving herself gave her a sense of great power and that power comforted her.

I have been fasting a lot lately. I often remember her comment about how starving herself gave her a sense of power.

I miss her. I hate me.