a cosmic rocking

I didn't do fifty laps yesterday: I did forty. Today, I pushed myself. Fifty laps would be one hundred lengths. I stopped at ninety and now I am feeling like a failure, which is, I hope, absurd.

On weekdays, I can hop a bus for part of my long walk home but on Sundays, there is no bus. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to walk home if I kept swimming.

I am very interested in pushing my endurance limits. I am going to keep pushing myself to swim longer. And harder. I am swimming just a bit faster than I was. I am fascinated by my sense of drive. Where does it come from? It is an energy in the universe, isn't it? Not just me. What drives someone to be a long distance runner? Or a triathlete?

There is, of course, a masters swim club at my pool. They finish their workouts just before my lap swim sessions begin. The masters swimmers have a call to push themselves. Where does it come from? I think this kind of drive is similar to the impulses that move tides or move, for example, the sun and the moon. It is a kind of cosmic rocking.