whodathunkit?

Recently, I've been really into oatmeal. Organic, steel-cut, about 2/3 cup cooked, some dried berries (today it was dried wild blueberries), a sprinkle of coconut flakes, a few chopped walnuts, heavy on the cinnamon and yummy coconut milk.

I have been sugar free for so long, and with such discipline, that oatmeal this way is my idea of a decadent dessert.

I'm craving dried cranberries. It just occurred to me that this would most definitely be the time of year for crannies, eh?

For many long stretches when my daughter still lived with me and recognized me as her beloved mother, I often made her oatmeal for breakfast. I picked up my oatmeal habit from a college friend named Rachel, who had gone to a boarding school before college. Once Rachel talked about how her house mother would cajole her out of bed early enough to get to breakfast before class, saying "We want you to have something warm in your tummy to start the day." Rachel rubbed her tummy as she said it and she seemed so happy remembering that caring history of oatmeal.

Once, visiting Chicago when Rosie was also still living with me, still in h.s., on one of our many visits to Chicago, we stayed with my friend Martha. Martha was quite wealthy and she always offered to pay for everything when we visited. And I let her. Once in awhile, someone would refuse such offers from Martha, calling it charity. Martha would shrug and say "Do as you want. I'll buy you dinner (or breakfast) if you like, and you can pay if you like."  I always sensed that Martha's offer was genuine and kind and I liked the freebies, of course.

One morning, Martha, Rosie and I went out to breakfast at some place known in Chicago for its breakfasts. Now I have always loved eating out for breakfast. I got pancakes when eating breakfast out all of my life until recent years, when I got serious about managing my diabetes.  I resisted tight control of my diabetes but I have had good doctors who, when I voiced my resistance and/or discouragement, would remind me of potential complications like blindness, or a stroke that could leave me with a very poor quality of life and even a limb amputation.So I stopped going out for breakfast and I do protein, mostly, for breakfast.

That long ago breakfast with Rosie and Martha, locked into my pancake habit and not yet having developed diabetes, I suddenly had a strong craving for oatmeal. Martha was amazed. I think when she treated friends to meals, they tended to order fancy things. Then Martha ordered the oatmeal. I don't remember what Rosie had.  The oatmeal that morning was creamy and plain. I only added a bit of milk. And it was frigging awesome.

So I renewed my frequent habit of making oatmeal for Rosie before she boarded the bus to her suburban prep school. Until one day, as I stood in front of the stove checking to see if the oatmeal was ready, I said "Don't you just love oatmeal?  Isn't it a great way to start your day?" I was chirping happily. I was happy. Being with Rosie always gave me much happiness. But Rosie said, unkindly, even snarling, "No I don't love oatmeal. I hate it and I hate that you keep making it."

I don't think I ever made her oatmeal again.

And I see, only in long distance hindsight, that I backed away from oatmeal.

Well, oatmeal is back in my life, stronger than it has ever been. Who knew a healthy breakfast loaded with nutrition and soluble fiber that lowers bad cholesterol and raises good cholesterol could be like a sweet dessert without sweetener?

Sure, I used to use some brown sugar. Now, I am convinced cinnamon is tastier than brown sugar.

And I most definitely will get some dried cranberries at TJ's tomorrow, after my farmers market run.

I guess folks with families and friends will be shopping for Thanksgiving.  I have spent Thanksgiving alone ever since Rosie dumped me. 

I take that back. Once when I still lived in Seattle, I asked everyone I talked to for weeks if they could include me in their holiday meal. Everyone said they were either traveling for the holiday or their meals were limited to family. One person said I could have Thanksgiving with her and her husband. It was boring. They were kind to have invited me but we didn't have anything to talk about, or so it seemed. Since that awkward holiday, I have ignored Thanksgiving.

So this year, cranberries in oatmeal will be my Thanksgiving thrill.  I'll do a Whole Foods food bar run the day before, get some turkey, carb-larded stuffing and fat gravy, as I do each year.  I'll be alone all day, lonely and longing for lost loves, new loves and old friends.

And sometimes next Thursday, I'll have an awesomely delicious bowl of oatmeal.

Say, next week would be the perfect time to experiment with chia seed gel banana bread with walnuts and applesauce, no gluten. Maybe some almond flour, since I have some in the house.  I made something with all these ingredients minus the almond flour. It was delicioius. It was soggy, evocative of bread pudding, which amused me since the only carbs were from bananas. I did not use applesauce with it. I find bananas plenty sweet. I ate it in small bowlfuls, with coconut milk on top. Also awesome.

Food is so much more interesting now that I eat healthfully. Since I don't do gluten, dairy or sugar, I keep learning about awesomely delicious things.