complicated grief

Complicated grief has been studied only when someone experiences the death of a loved one. I think complicated grief can apply to life losses besides death. Having my daughter cut me off completely fourteen years ago, and maintaining her refusal to have a relationship with me, sometimes seems like a harder loss than a child's death. She's out there actively, although probably not actually thinking about me at all, rejecting me, actively not participating in a family life with me.

Complicated grief is found most often when someone loses the love of their life. I have lost the friend of my life. And I am not getting over it. He's still in the world. I can't get past my longing to have his friendship.

The NYTimes Well column has an article on complicated grief today:
when-grief-wont-relent

As the article states, recommended treatment for complicated grief is a kind of cognitive behavioral therapy, not traditional psychoanalysis. I think only rich people can afford talk therapy these days. And I have participated in some cognitive behavioral therapy. I couldn't stand it.

If I had access to a sixteen week complicated grief treatment program, I'd participate but I doubt that I would be admitted.

Not many recognize that someone can experience enduring, complicated grief over the loss of a relationship, such as the loss of a relationship with my only child.

An acquaintance once responded to my expression of grief over the loss of my daughter with a stern, even angry lecture. He told me I should be grateful she is alive and to stop feeling sorry for myself.  People can be insensitive.

I don't care if I fit someo official criteria for complicated grief. I am experiencing complicated grief over two losses. And, as the article points out, I am experiencing physical and emotional health consequences that diminish my quality of life and probably are shortening my life. Shorten away.  I welcome death, welcome an escape from my complicated grief.