my mother's pearls

My mom had a gorgeous strand of pearls that, somewhat strangely, my dad gave to her years after they had divorced. Technically, one of my brothers 'gave' mom the pearls but dad had bought them for her and given them to one of his sons to give to her.

One of the last times I saw my mom, she said I could have them. The strand had broken. I had the pearls restrung and that restringing quickly came undone.  I love these pearls but I don't want to spend $100 or more to have them restrung again. And pearls are more formal than I am, I think.

Should I send them to my daughter?

Last Christmas, I sent her a pair of 24K gold earrings that match a necklace given to me by a friend long ago. The friend had made the necklace and earrings for her girlfriend but her girlfriend did not wear jewelry.  I guess I gave Rosie the necklace. Or maybe she took it. When she would visit me during her first two years of college, she would take things of mine without asking. I'd go to look for something, looking and looking.

Whatever.  I had seen her wearing this necklace in a few Facebook photos and recalled I had the matching earrings. I sent them to her last Xmas. She signed for the insured package. She did not thank me.

I need to stop trying to squeeze the memory of a relationship, accept she and I have no relationship. Letting go of things related to her feels helpful, allowing me to let go a bit here and there.

I don't think I will ever stop aching over the loss of my daughter. I am sure the loss has shaved many years off my life.

My sister did not want our mother's pearls. She had issues with mom, as did all our mother's children. She sucked as a mom, but she was damaged and unable to do better.

So if my sister doesn't want them and I don't want them, giving them to Rosie seems about right. She can always give them away.

Thinking. Undecided.