fostering codependency, part two

Once, a now-former-friend and I had tried to become closer. The guy became upset and withdrew, refusing to speak to me. I had no idea why he had withdrawn. When I made efforts to communicate with him to talk about what had happened to cause him to shrink back, he actually said, and I wish I were making this up, that he'd like to talk to me but if he did so, he would be fostering codependency.

Communication is not codependency.

Helping a confused, hurting friend understand why you abruptly withdrew from her -- this was in 2008, not recently -- is not codependent. It is friendship. Kindness. A show of caring. Helping another person is not codependent or enabling behavior, especially someone who is not dysfunctional, not drug or alcohol dependent and not mentally ill.

Codependency means a person is COdependent on the sick person's illness. A codependent buys into the idea that saving the sick person justifies enabling behaviors. 

The guy who told me that just talking to me, helping me understand why he abruptly disengaged, does not understand codependency.  This same guy has fallen all over himself for years to shield a female friend who has a major mental illness with occasional psychotic episodes. He has acted codependently with her, trying to spare her from the consequences of her challenge.  Giving her a fancy job title when she lives off disability and her rich parents so she can present herself on social media and when she attends events as someone with a job is classic codependent behavior. Classic enabling.