I want this, thought I found it, but I was deluded, blind & clueless.

"it's beautiful when you find someone that is in love with your mind. Someone that wants to undress your conscience and make love to your thoughts.  Someone that wants to watch you slowly take down all the walls you've built up around your mind and let them inside."

The sexiest, hottest part of who I am is my mind. I want someone who is genuinely interested in learning all the things that interest me, that I care and know about.  I thought I found it. And I give interest back.  I thought I had found someone and when I learned no one -- no one -- had ever read his PhD dissertation, I read it. Because I was interested but also because that is the kind of interest in me that I want. I foolishly assumed he wanted the same thing.

But. . . nope.

Once he lacerated my whole being when he wrote "did you think things were going to always stay the same between us?" with sarcasm and derision. The truth was, yes, I did things would always stay the same in the sense that we would share a lot with one another, share deeply from our hearts, souls and minds and invest a lot of our life in that. Not just that but I thought he saw me, wanted to know me as well as one can know another and disclose himself to me. I did think that would 'stay the same' forever. There is also work in the world, not just interpersonal relating but I thought I had found a much-needed partner on the path.  I was blind and clueless and stupidly wrong.

As I come to terms with not having it, I am floundering the worst I ever have.