elements of friendship

I recently told someone that I no longer considered him a friend. He disarmed me when he said "what does that mean, to end a friendship?  I've never understood that."

I knew what I meant. And I still mean the same thing. There are three essential elements of friendship:  mutual caring, trust which is built by mutual confidences and spending time together. And the quality of 'spending time together' is very specific:  two people have to spend time together because they want to be with that person, not because circumstance, such as work, puts them together. Playing tennis with someone because you both like to play tennis but not spending time together talking and bonding otherwise is not friendship time. It's tennis time. An essential element of friendship, and I am practically quoting an essay by Aristotle with my elements of friendship is you have to feel drawn enough to the other person that you really want to 'be' with them, spend time with them.

This guy never spends time with me so he is not what I consider a friend.

I shared Aristotle's elements of friendship with another guy, a few years ago, and he spoke scornfully of how I was listening to other people and not trusting myself, that I was being shallow to give another's definition of friendship power. Um, Aristotle?  Aristotle's elements of friendship are hardly a shallow guide for me to use. Additinally, ha ha ha, this guy totally expected me to adopt his beliefs on friendship, trustworthiness and his fear but mocked me for trrusting Aristotle.  Hmmm.

I need friends. I need friends who want to spend time with me. Not email me. Not phone me every once a while because they know I am very depressed, which I am. I appreciate the caring behind an email. And my expectations are very different if a friend lives far away. But when someone lives across the bay, 20 minutes,  and doesn't want to spend time with me, that is not a friend.

I get to think and believe what I think and believe. And, hey, if it was good enough for Aristotle and has been relied on by countless philosophers since as a guidepost, it's good enough for me and it is not me listening shallowly to others and letting htem influence me.