Christmas

One of the most peaceful Christmases I have ever had was the first Christmas after I separated from my ex-husband.  Christmas 1983.  He got the baby for Christmas.  I had not lived in Omaha long before I had my baby. I didn't really know anyone on my own, my whole social life was through him.  That first separated Christmas, I didn't know anyone but women from the  two battered women support groups that I went to.  That's not exactly a party crowd, as you might imagine.

I had become friends with a few neighbors during the year, since the separation.

Christmas is not, at least in my experience, a very social holiday. Folks socialize with relatives on the actual holiday. Yes, there are lots of holiday parties but on the holy day itself, not much socializing. And now, having said that, of course I can recall some lovely Christmas dinners with friends.  I've had some mighty fine, sacred holiday dinners with families of friends.

But not many.

Anyway, Christmas 1983.  Katie left on Christmas Eve for her grandmother's. Her father lived with his parents during our divorce.  His family goes way gaga over Christmas. My family never really did. We had presents, Christmas dinner, played Christmas music, ate cookies and drank egg nog but it wasn't all precious or holy.  It was mostly about presents. And then movies on Christmas Day.

When my kid we little, we had fancy dinner on Christmas Eve and then we'd go out and listen to Christmas music as a big church, like a cathedral, checking out before the mass began.  Or maybe we'd drive around and look at Xmas decorations. I guess folks still do these things, guess there are still emotionally, supposedly reverent holiday services at churches.  Alleluia choirs, food drives, caroling. That all still happens, I supposed.

I'm rambling.  I feel dissociated from the human race most of the time but esp. this time of year.  I'm down with the idea of ritual and celebration, esp. community ritual.  I think ritual and holiday matters a whole lot to human culture. It is how we align ourselves to one another.

I was just thinking the other day about how, during the Vietnam War, and, for all I know, other wars, there would be a Christmas ceasefire.  I like that but I also ask:  huh?  What's the point of a ceasefire on Christmas?  in the middle east, do they call ceasefires on Muslim holy days?  In India, if there was a war, would there be a ceasefire on the major Hindu holidays? And what about Buddhists? Do they have major holidays that merit ceasefires in wartime?  Why not, um, cease the war.

Humans.  Go figure.

Anyway.  Katie left on Christmas Eve.  I kept a fire going in the fireplace for hours.  I fixed good food, but I don't remember what food. I probably drank some wine, although even back then I was never much of a drinker.