a pop of blue

I think the guy is a work colleague. The woman is my daughter.   I have never seen her natural hair color in person because she has shunned me for over 17 years, lacerating me just about daily with the grievous loss. A friend just this afternoon insisted I should go to NYC, go to her workplace and force her to see me. I didn't have the heart to tell her how my daughter threatened to have me arrested just for being in her office building, which someone who worked in the building made possible by inviting me in. I was not trespassing and not making a scene. I didn't go into her suite, did not ask for her but she came out screaming loudly and screaming that I was the crazy one. Project much? She never would have seen me if she hadn't come out to scream and humiliate me. Yeah, it feels humiliating to have the child I gave everything to calling the police, as if the Chicago police would have immediately dispatched a squad car for me when I wasn't doing anything. I was wiating for her to stop talking to me like I was dogshit on her shoe. I was kinda frozen by her emotional abuse. Plus I did want to see if she would actually call the cops on me. I assure you I would not have been arrested if, a couple hours later, if ever, the CPD showed up. It was so cruel and unkind to speak to me and about me as she did. And she never seemed to register that if she had not come out of her office suite, I would have been gone. We were leaving when she came out screaming and ran down the stairs as my bro and I went down the elevator.

I'm not sure why my feelings have become so raw about this painful loss.  I think her moving to NYC has stirred me up. Chicago is far from Berkeley, where I have lived about ten years now, but Chicago is my home town and I think I liked having her in a familiar place. I know NYC pretty well but not like a native.

I will be headed to NYC in May. No worries. I will not try to see her. 

I am very tired of feeling so much pain over this loss.  I don't know what to do to escape my pain.

Update: a friend in politics, and all politics in East Bay relates to housing, eh?, has told me the guy is former HUD secretary under Obama. . . not too shabby. But Katie is the star here, right?