alone on Valentine's Day

I've posted Anne Sexton's Food poem before.
Food is a love poem, about unfed love. 

As I spend day after day,
in an endless ribbon of hunger,
hungry for love
I note that, lately, I forget to actually eat
I go for long streches without food
checking my glucose
shooting insulin when the sugars rise
sugar, sweetness, rises in my body
even when it is unfed

I think, truly and improbably,
that sweetness, a growing tenderness
rises within me
as I become more conscious
of how hungry I am
hungry for love

When I realize I am ravenous
physically
not until, sometimes,
my stomach has growled for hours
"Oh, I am hungry, I should eat"

It can seem easier to test
for my blood's sweetness
and tend to that sweetness
by shooting up
shooting in? injecting?

When I am able
to convince myself
that I actually need food
lately
too many days of late
I eat the same things
protein shakes stave off hunger
and they are so easy
allowing me to quickly
return to slowly starving
but, with a bit of food,
I can return to starving
for love.

Don't tell me self love comes first
I know that.
I should braise some kale
make an easy green smoothie
with lemon and fresh ginger
I have fresh ginger on hand
I bought it in hope
my hope was that it would
magically inspire me to
make that green smoothie.

A green smoothie with lots of
fresh raw ginger
fresh meyer lemon juice
cinnamon
some frozen fruit for froth
is so easy to make

My fresh ginger
I fear, I suspect
will dry out
and become useless
before I use it
before I feed myself

I starve myself.
Metaphorically