if you want to give me a Xmas gift -- poetry. Seamus Heaney would be lovely

Or Alice Oswald.

Or that guy who used to be US poet laureate . . . what's his name?   -- Billy Collins. for some reason, I love his stuff, which evokes Seamus Heaney for me, actually. And chick poets work for me. I just discovered an old lady chick poet .. . Heather McHugh.

It's kinda awful that so many male poets spring to mind. Jack Gardner, who was based in Berkeley when he died recently, is a poet whose works I don't own and would like to.

I see how women are not given the same respect as male poets by my blog. I can see when a post is clicked on and read and when I mention a male poet, the post always gets more posts than when I mention a chick poet. Don't tell me gender discrimination or feminism is wrong. Screw equalism. I'll be all for equalism when women have equality with men.

I have a few Billy Collins and a former friend gave me one of his books. He even read me a poem over a birthday lunch. This was a few years ago when he loved me and showed my birthday a little respect, unlike this year when he treated taking me out for my birthday like an inconvenient chore that dragged him to the East Bay. I can hump it to SF to see him but he has to combine work with seeing me if he is going to bestir himself to the EB.  My birthday disappointment still rankles, I suspect it still rankles because I lost the friendship because I did not pretend I wasn't hurt.  I can't do suppressing my emotions, which sure seems like the key to success in this fucked up world of corporate dominated values systems.

I ramble.

No one is fretting about what to give me for Xmas.  #1 choice, a book by Heather McHugh, a completed works if it exists. Then, sorry women, a Jack Gardner. Man, Gardner could write poems.

If someone wants to give me the stars, give me some reconciliation with my baby.

I spent five days in Santa Fe with an old friend who knew me as Katie's mom. I told this friend that I had seen Katie wearing one of my old necklaces, I had the matching earrings and I was considering sending the earrings to Katie. the friend spoke in an angry voice, almost snarled as she said "Why would you do that?"

Tears stung my eyes. Why would I do it? I felt defensive and wrong but then I pulled myself together and remembered why. Because I love her, I am her mom and the earrings match a necklace that she clearly loves for she posted it in so many photos,wearing it. I should send her those earrings today.