flat tap broke

It used to be much harder for me to go without money for a few days than it is now.  I am deeply accustomed to spending my money very carefully. I buy a monthly bus pass so I always have transit. When I first became poor, I would become painfully aware of moving through this capitalist culture with zero money.  I always tend to have some food in my freezer and cupboard. Always pasta, jars of sauce, frozen protein.  I don't have to eat fresh vegies.  Also, I always have protein powder.

I have gotten so good at it that I virtually never run out of cash.  I have all kinds of tricks. I have a zippered pocket on the left arm of my daily jacket. When I get prescriptions filled at CVS, I get $35 cash back and tuck it in that sleeve. Sometimes, I will tuck in two $35 stashes before I tap the sleeve.  I like laughing at myself that this silly trick 'works'.  I have another zippered pocket in the front of my jacket that  I put in fifty bucks. I get fifty bucks cash back at Trader Joe's.  My bank is in another state and it costs money to use ATM machines so I get my cash at CVS and Trader Joe's.  The front pocket is my weekly produce budget. I usually spent it at farmers markets, but not always. Sometimes the cash in that pocket piles up.

This past month, I had two big bites. A $150 payment for something and a $140 payment. $300 is about the amount of money I float all the time. At the end of January, I was flat tap broke.  Well, I had $30 in my checking account on the last day of the month. I checked my balance on Saturday and my being kinda froze about money until today, February 1st.  I did not spend another cent. I cleared out my pockets at the market on Saturday, holding back twenty bucks just in case. Then I remembered I have another $20 or $30 in quarters for my laundry.  It feels good to know I am not totally broke. And it also feels like I am totally broke when I have $30 in checking, maybe twenty bucks in my jacket and about $20 in quarters for laundry.

Does this qualify me as a hoarder?  I don't think so. Silas Marner was a money hoarder, right?!

I got down pretty low in January. In a way, getting flat tapped is a kind of cleanse. It feels good and it feels bad.

But now it is February 1st and I am back in the chips.