I get to want what I want: purple flourite is not rose quartz

©Katie and I often hung out in a crystal shop. It surprises me that I don't see many crystal stores here in hippie-dippie N. California. There is a shop on Telegraph, a dingy shop that is uninviting, sells only small bits of crystals. I have not seen a good "old-fashioned" crystal/rock shop in the Bay Area. A crystal is not something I would easily buy online.  I respond with deep visceral responses to stones; that's how I know when I have to buy one. Or should buy one.

I guess a couple of the street vendors on Telegraph sell rocks but, again, it's mostly small ones.

This crystal shop Katie and I used to go to was on University in Avenue, just across the freeway from Minneapolis, near where the Minnesota Women's Press had its offices.

This shop I remember sold smaller crystals but not teeny bits of things. Who wants a chip of rose quartz? Everyone wants, at least, a piece big enough to fold inside one's hand and be unseen, right? That's pretty small. Little bits of stone are boring. Still, if it is all you can afford, go for it.

This rock shop played New Age music, had each crystal displayed reverently as if it was an art gallery and not a rock shop. And it separated the kinds of stones.

One year, post-Thanksgiving, Katie and I stopped in to browse. We almost never bought anything. People used to give ue crystals.  No one gives me crystals today. Gee, I wish someone would. I love receiving crystals.

My former business partner, Lynn, once gave me a tiny, very faintly pink piece of rose quartz. She said she saw an angel in the stone. And so did Katie and I. I wonder what happened with that one. Katie took some stones with her to college. Maybe she took that one. It is not one I would have readily released. Altho at one point, just before I turned fifty and I was going to kill myself before I turned fifty, I sent Katie a lot of stuff, reasoning there was no one near where I lived that would send my things to my child. So I tried to send her anything of value. I was deadly serious and my use of the word deadly is not intended as a pun; it is intended to indicate that I was, quite literally, deadly determined to end my life.

I guess I may have sent some crystals to Katie then. And I also remember giving away some of my bigger ones to the Spirited Work silent auctions.  Our former friend Joni had given me a big hunk of brown flourite for Xmas one year. Joni, unable to resist bargains, had found a stash of big hunks of brown-hued glourite for sale and bought them all. So everyone she loved got a hunk of flourite.

I never liked that flourite, altho I felt guilty that I did not like it.  I think its provenance had something to do with my dislike. If Joni had bought me any crystal because she felt called to buy it for me, I would have treasured it and likely still have it. But she bought a stack of bargain stones. Boring.

Anyway, one year in the lead-up to Xmas, Katie and I were in a great crystal store in St. Paul. We knew all the clerks and the owner because we liked to hang out. It was run by childless lesbians who always seemed to love Katie.   With Christmas in the air, Katie lingered, as she always did, over the many large, inviting pieces of rose quartz. I was in another section, drawn to some other stone. I don't remember which stone I was drawn to, only that I was not feeling the rose quartz.

Besides, we had a huge hunk of rose quartz, a really big one. And a bunch of little ones. And Lynn's tiny one with the angel in it.  I was not feeling rose quartz that day.

Katie said "I know, Mom, I will buy you some rose quartz for your Xmas present."

I said "I don't want rose quartz. I want some of this."  I want to say I wanted rhodochrosite cause that stone is really hot for me but I don't think I ever saw any rhodochrosite in that rock sthop. Rhodochrosite is somewhat rare in USA rock shops. I ask every time I pass one and if a shop has any, it's little bitty bits.  So, altho this is kinda boring, I think I told Katie that day that if she got me a crystal for Xmas, I hoped it would be amythyst. Boring, I know.  I don't really remember which stone I said I was gravitating towards. I only remember not feeling the rose quartz that Katie was gushing over. Her offer to give it to me was loving and joyful.

She said "But I want to buy some rose quartz.!!!" kinda in a whine.  Plaintive, y'know?

I said "You can give me rose quartz if you want to and if you do, I will treasure it because it came from you but, Katie, my love, I get to want what I want. You can give me what you want but if you want to give me what I want, you will give me some of this."

I remember now. It was a cubist chunk of purple flourite. It was not amethyst. It was purple flourite. She did end up buying it for me. I wonder what happened to it?  It's lone gone.

Then the shop clerk said "Excuse me, I hope it doesn't seem like I am eavesdropping but the store is small and I can't help but hear you. I always enjoy listening to you and you daughter. You are so good with her. What you just said, telling her she could buy you what she wanted but that you get to want what you want was brilliant."

I was flattered.

Then the sale person said "If you ever need a babysitter, I'd love to babysit for you. For free.  You and your kid seem to cool. I'd like to spend time with your daughter."

I guess I did not welcome her offer, although I remember internally feeling grateful and internally I was already thinking of when I might use her offer. She did not give me  a phone number or her name so I think I concluded her offer was not fully genuine, that she was just having fun hanging out with us.