aging not for sissies

A now-departed, close friend of mine, Kathie, loved to say 'old age isn't for sissies'. At fifty three, I am not exactly old, but I am keenly conscious of my aging related to my health. For quite a long time now, I have followed my health care providers advice, eating carefully, exercising, losing a lot of weight. I've been thinking lately of stories I've read in the media of guys who were fitness fanatics their whole life and they keel over dead with seemingly no warning. There seems little hope for me to improve my long term health if lifelong fitness buffs can drop dead running a marathon. Fretting, fretting. Fretting does no good, of course. All I can do is what I can do, take the steps that are available to me and choose to be happy no matter what.

There is an arcade game that has been on my mind. The version that I am specifically recalling is called "Rats in the Hole". There are nine holes with mechanical 'rats' that keep popping up erratically. The object of the game is to take the big hammer and whack the rat during the instant its head pops up, catching it before the head goes back down the hole. Each landed blow yields a point. Win enough points and you get to play the game another time for free. I have also seen this game called "Beat the Gopher". And other goofy names. It is, in my humble opinion, a violent, ugly game. Perplexingly, it seems to be designed for very little children, to get them started in the world of arcade gaming. It is easy to play, easy to win and parents line up their little kids so they have some success in the game arcade. I met this game whiling away happy days in amusement parks with my kid and it was the first game she was ever able to win. Whack, whack, whack. What was I thinking when I paid to let her play such a nasty game, beating back rodents!

I sometimes feel like my life is a game of "Rats in the Hole", that I am futilely whacking away at random problems as they surface, landing a few blows in my efforts at self care, but, ultimately, just like slot machines in Vegas, the odds are stacked against me. I cannot alter the nature of this dissipative universe with my puny little efforts. What else can I do but persevere and choose to be happy?

Now I'm thinking of Dylan Thomas' "Do Not Go Gentle Into the Good Night". I aspire to step into each moment as gently as possible. I do not think anyone should rail against the dying of light. It is my aspiration to greet each moment with love. It is my aspiration to surrender, never rail. On and on.